december 20 :: Letters to Sabrina

Dear Sabrina...all the things that remind me of you.

from Auntie Anne

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

 Sabrina, every time I hear this song I am brought back to that chilly afternoon, gathered around your tiny coffin.  I am reminded that in spite of their great loss, your parents praised God.  In life many people are angry with God and become bitter when life’s circumstances turn their world on end.  Couples divorce when they bury a child; the strain and devastation is just too great.  Instead, I watched over the next few months and years as your parents drew closer to each other and deepened in their faith.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow.  Even so, I will praise you.  Even so, you are faithful.  The Doxology has become my rock and a reminder of His great love for us.  God, you are faithful and worthy to be praised.

I still remember the evening your mom called me and told me you were gone.  I was on a break at work and there was a voicemail on my phone.  When I saw the missed call, I thought, ‘how sweet Nancy is calling to wish me a Merry Christmas.’  My family was over at our friends’ house and I was stuck working on Christmas Eve.  When I spoke with your mom on the phone, we just cried together.  They excused me from work those last few hours, because I couldn’t stop crying.  You were gone, our sweet Sabrina.        

Your cousin, Elizabeth, and I had already bought tickets to come and meet you after you were born.  Elizabeth had even saved up her own money and purchased her very own plane ticket.  She was sad that she would not be able to cuddle with a new baby, but instead she provided play time and affection for Ethan and Abbey who missed you very much.  

I do not understand why you had to leave us so early.  A friend of mine had almost the exact same due date as your mommy.  Each week at church I would watch her belly grow and imagine your mom’s belly growing in Portland.  Whenever I saw her belly, I would smile, thinking of you.  In January, when my friend had her baby girl, Sophia, I felt your loss.  Over the years, I have watched her daughter grow, and I am reminded of how old you would be now.

Through all of this, the most precious gift that I have received is the friendship that I now have with your mom and the strength of her faith that encourages me daily.  Sabrina, you were a gift.  One that we wish we could have held onto much longer, but your life has given birth to faith and friendship, beauty and grace.