Thursday, December 6, 2012

365 Photo Project :: day 288 december 6 :: Letters to Sabrina

Dear Sabrina...all the things that remind me of you.

Sabrina jewelry 

As I lay holding you in the hospital room a nurse caring for me shared with me how her own daughter died of cancer when she was ten.  She showed me her small delicate earrings and told me of how after her daughter died her sister gave her these earrings and she put them in and wore them every day from that day on.  Abraham heard her share her story and gave me an antique bracelet on the morning of your memorial service. 

December 24 (from Abraham)

Then a month later a package arrived form Mimi with a necklace.  I wore the pink, white, and grey beads on my first morning back to church.  No one said a word to me but I touched the necklace and felt you near.  

January 24  ::  one month (from Mimi)

In February another package arrived with a bracelet from your aunt Susi.  The bracelet went on my wrist and I felt you near.  It was then that I knew what I needed to make it through each month: jewelry to represent each month of that first year.  For me it was a way of recognizing you.   

February 24  ::  two months  (from Susi)

March, April, May rememberances.  I needed these to breathe.  When I stopped at Trader Joe's and the clerk asked where you were, I could look at my bracelet and share that you left us.  
March 24  ::  three months

April  24  ::  four months

May 24  ::  five months

Then June came and six months was hard.  Six months is when I usually have a little cake with six little candles to celebrate the first half birthday.  LeAnn, my little sister, gave me a necklace.  As I got up and faced the day I would wear this necklace and feel you near.  I also felt the love of those who were helping me through this time.  

June 24  ::  six months (from LeAnn)

The next month my sweet and dearest friend purchased a necklace for me.  I know that she loved you so much, as I love each of hers as my own.  With this necklace came many many tears and with tears comes healing.  

July 24  ::  seven months (from Andi)

August 24  ::  eight months

On my birthday Abraham gave me a Sabrina necklace.  He knew I'd especially be missing you on my birthday.  

September  24  ::  nine months (from Abraham)

In October, my sweet friend Kari sent me a necklace with your name.  I wear this one often on my Sabrina days, when my eyes can't stay dry.  

October  24  ::  ten months (from Kari)

Another from Abraham in November.

November 24  ::  eleven months (from Abraham)

A special package from New York arrived on Christmas Eve, your first birthday.  I tried to be so brave, but inside everything was falling.  I opened the most beautiful package from my sister and inside a necklace.  I put the necklace around my neck and you filled my heart.  

December  24  ::  twelve months (from Anne)

Daddy gave me my last in a package under the tree.  Wrapped in green tissue paper was my Sabrina necklace.  

December  25  ::  first christmas (from Abraham)

On the 24th of each month friends across the states sent me messages of comfort.  The kids often asked, "how old would Sabrina be now? What would she look like?  What would she be doing?"  At first it was hard to hear their questions and answer them, but eventually they became part of our life.  I'd tell them how old you'd be, and show them pictures of them at that age and then we'd talk about what you would be like.  After awhile we started imagining what you were like in heaven.  It was as though we were watching you grow.  You have been a part of our breakfast conversations and often led to laughter as we pictured you crawling with Jesus chasing after you surrounded by all those who've received God's amazing grace.  God so freely gave his son, so that we could have life, so that you my sweet baby could have life!

Oh how I miss you my little one, I wear my Sabrina treasures and know you are near.     

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